Advice: Friend Walks All Over Me

Dear CM: I’ve been best friends with someone for years, but lately she disregards what I want and walks all over me. I don’t want to end this friendship if it can be saved but I am tired of getting hurt in this relationship. What are some things I can do to stand up for myself when we make plans and hang out while still trying to be a friend? 

Dear Reader: Great question. It’s always best to keep friends as long as you can, but if your friends aren’t treating you as a friend, it may be time to leave. Here are a few things to try.

First, hang out from a more vertical surface. If you hang on a low slope such as a low hill it’s a low easier for a person to stand or walk on top of you. If I needed a break from someone standing (moving or not) I would be careful too about uneven tables when we go out. Laying on an uneven table to eat makes it hard to eat in peace and even makes it harder to eat a full meal. Staying there can even hurt your stomach!

Second, you need to communicate with your friend about how she is walking over you. This can hurt not only while she is doing it, but afterwards as well. If someone does not know Ashiatsu or a similar technic very well, then having her walk on you can strain back joints and cause more tension afterwards. This might be more so if she walks on your neck or lower legs where balance is very important. Try analyzing what parts feel better or worse later on and use that to let your friend know which part you like her to walk on. As a good friend, this may also help her from losing her balance when she walks on other parts of your body.

Finally, you might take an interest in learning more about learning how walking on backs works. There are a number of online and in-person courses around the world. This will have several benefits. You could sign up for an Ashiatsu class so you can better communicate what is good for your back. If she is interested in this, you can make plans to study this together an participate in her interests instead of just your own-you might even like it. Finally, you can show your desire to return the favor by being able to help with her back as well. When you have a friend who has your back, that’s a friend to keep. Good luck!

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